Monday 8-29-05

Monday 8-29-05:Well I got up today after a nice sleep. I went to work and the morning flew by and I went to lunch with Stan and we went to the Mexican place here in town. I then came back to work and he left, and I started in again working on things. The afternoon flew by and by then it was 4:00 and everyone kept looking at me like what are you still doing at work so I left lol. I am now on Vacation till next Tuesday so if you need anything or want something let me know and I can help you out if I cant. I then came home and talk to some people and then went and watched my brother bowl at the alley for a few and then came back home. I then talked some more and ended up doing a show. I will be doing a lot of them this week since I am off. Well that is about all. Had another great day. I might end up in Anderson tomorrow because I need to take some head phones back that I bought with Stacey. I also need to take the new ones that I just got at Best Buy back and get something that isn't so heavy omg these kill me. lol

Sun. 8-28-05

Sunday 8-28-05:Well I got up this morning after a great night of sleep. I feel GREAT today..... I mowed the yard already and now I am hanging out working on updating my blog. I think I might have a couple of dates this week but I don't know if that is what I want really. I just want to have fun with people and chill and relax and enjoy time not feel like its a thing ya know. I am going to take a road trip later on today I think and I also need to get to my brothers to work on a new network for him that I am putting into his house and garage. I am going to take most of this next week off work but I will be there tomorrow because of being on the new network for the first day. Stacey is going to start a blog also so that you all can learn about her and read about her and grow to have a great friendship with her like I have. So I am trying new things on my site so I hope you all like. I went and washed the car today and drove around and went shopping and I took myself out to eat at the Mexican Place and relaxed and just enjoyed chill'n and I came home. I did another show tonight and it was nice I then left and went for a fast drive and then came back home and worked on my server. I also helped with Wavgirls site (on my links page) and got her live audio working for her. I am such a sweet guy lol I know I know. I am heading to bed. I missed talking to Kim before I crashed but I am sorry I didn't make it back sooner. Sorry also to Stacey I didn't get to talk to her either. I know I suck.

Sat. 8-27-05

Saturday 8-27-05:Well I got up today and talked with Kim on the computer after my walk and shower. I then talked with Kim some more and she has really helped me out with a lot of stuff going on. Thank you Kim so much for everything you have done and still do and will do. I then talked with her and Stacey on the computer and then I left to go to work and meet up with Stacey. We went and picked up Christie (yes you read that right) Stacey and I invited her to go to lunch and a movie and she wanted to go. We then went to the Mexican place for lunch in Anderson and it wasn't very good at all even Stacey thought it wasn't. We then went to the movies and watch a movie called Undiscovered I think. During the Movie I leaned over to Christie and told her I was happy for her that she found someone new. And it was like a Huge weight lifted off my shoulders I don't know what it was but after that it just seemed like things were different for the better. I put a lot of pressure on her for the last few months to spend time with me and see me and now it is just like if I see her I see her if I don't I don't. If that makes any since to you at all. She has made a decision to be busy and be herself and I made a decision to be the way I am. I can't hold her to something that I couldn't do. If she call's me she does if she doesn't then I know she is missing out on a great friend that might last longer then anything else in the world but it is up to her now lol I am GREEEAT. We then left the movie's and Christie wanted to go home so we took her home and me and Stacey went shopping and then back to her house where I worked on her computer and then we came back to my house and I fixed dinner for us and she talked to Kim online and talked with my mother and then we watched the Colt's loose. She left and I basically went to bed. I had a long day and was a good day for the most part. I hope everyone is doing ok.

Fri 8-26-05

Friday 8-26-05:Well I got up today and went into the office. I worked all day and then went to lunch with Ruth and Stan at Johnny Carinos. We then came back to work and worked till around 5:30 or so. I also did some work at home. I then just hung out at the house and went to bed early. I hope you are all doing ok. I am still not feeling well.

Thurs 8-25-05

Thursday 8-25-05:Well I went to bed around 1:00 I think maybe a little earlier and seem to have slept all night long with no dreams. It is now 7:15am and I am on my way to the office. Today I am rebuilding the Finance Server and putting on Server 2003. I shouldn't have to big of a deal with that. I want to thank everyone for saying how nice Kim's blog is. I know she will love that. I am feeling as of right now a little better on a scale of 1 - 10 (10) being great I am at about 5. Well I want to thank all of you again for the calls and thoughts and cards. I even got a call this morning from a family in Germany hoping I feel better and get back on the music again and things. I thought that was GREAT. Well talk to you soon. Well it is now 9:30 at night. I finished up my work for today around 6:00 or so and then came home. I got a call from Statia and we met up for dinner and had a great time talking and just chilling out. We then came back to my house and hung out and relaxed and talked. She loved my sheets on my bed so I gave her a set and then we hung out some more and talked. She then left and called me 2x on the way home to say hi and talk. I also talked to Kim and Stacey and Carol and just had a great evening thanks. Kim just updated her blog and so many people have wrote to me and her saying they love it. I am now talking with Kim and Stacey and just hanging out. I feel a lot better this evening. Still about a 6 or 7 but getting better. Talk to you all soon. Well I got a call finally from someone I have been waiting to talk to tonight late and we talked for a few min about 15 min or so. And it really felt different. It felt like I was talking to someone I didn't know anymore in a way. I don't know what the deal was but wow. I don't know if it was because she has been soo busy or if it was me or what but just didn't feel right. I didn't know what to say I didn't know what to ask or anything. I don't know :( oh well I guess. I am going to go to bed. it is now 1:00 am and I was just thinking about that. anyway Night all..

WQed. 8-24-05

Wednesday 8-24-05:I am now at work. I got up this morning no dreams at all last night and got ready and went to my the cemetery to visit my dads grave and then I left there and went and had breakfast and then came to work. I wanted to say hello and good morning to everyone and I hope you have a great day. Some news is going to be given in our office in a few hours and I am getting ready for that. I will talk to you all soon. I went to my new Doc and she is really nice. I think it will work out nice. I left there feeling pretty good about it and then I came back to work and then went to lunch. I finished lunch and came back to work and been working on the Server all day. Today's news at work was that the CEO is leaving and that is going to suck because he was the best. He wanted Technology to always be ahead of the game and he was just a great guy to know. Now I am back working again on the server and wanted to just say a fast hi to everyone. OK I am home now and not feeling well. I worked till about 8:00 or so I think not even for sure and then came home. I am now updating my blog and my website. I have a new feature that is going to be on the menu bar. It is going to be Kim's Blog. She is going to start a blog on my site and I will host it for her. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy talking to her. I talked to Stacey tonight and she is doing good. She got her nails and toes down and got hit on by the guy that did them. I am still very sick but it will pass. I hope you all are doing ok. I think I am going to dinner tomorrow night with Statia she asked me today to go tomorrow night and also asked me to go to lunch but I couldn't go today so I think we will go tomorrow. I am not planning anything because I seem to get hurt when I plan so if we go we go. I am trying hard not to ask to much out of anyone so they might be ok with me. I still haven't heard from someone but I know down deep she is ok. And that is what matters. Well I am going to get so I hope you all are ok..

Tues 8-23-05

Tuesday 8-23-05:Well this is the 4th and final time I am getting up. I have been up and down again all night. I went to bed around 2:00am and got up about 2:30 and then 3:15 and then 4:10 and now it is 6:10. I laid in bed till now awake from 5:00am just trying not to go back to sleep. I don't understand how you can have so many of the SAME dreams about someone over and over and not be able to stop them. I even thought if I tell my dream it might help not to have it so I told Stacey and that didn't work lol. Trust me I wish there was a pill that you can take to make you not dream sometime. I got up and now I am updating this. I hope everyone has a great day. I am worried about mine. I mean I feel good about getting most of the stuff off my chest. But I worry that I lost that friendship. I want to thank Carol again I got another card in the mail yesterday and it was a great card.... Thanks, Well I am going to leave now and head to work I have a long day ahead of me I think. I went to work today and had a bad day things just didn't seem to go good on the Server Side. I then went to lunch around 1:00 and came back and finished out the afternoon. I just felt so bad I left around 4:30 and came home and took my pills and just went to bed. I didn't dream at all (YEAH) lol I then got up around 10:30 or so and talked to Stacey and Carol and Kim for a few and some others and then I took a shower that felt great and got me something to eat. Now I am updating the blog and checking things on the net. I am so sorry to all of you that I haven't been on much or been to talkative in emails or stuff. I just have a lot going on at work and just not feeling well. But I did want to say I was sorry for that. Tomorrow I have an appointment at the Shrinks lol to talk about stuff and just try to balance stuff out. So I am a little nervous about that. I also have a long day ahead of me working with the Citrix Server. I also feel pretty good that some day I might have a friendship back with someone but until them as long as we just know it is ok to be different then it will be ok. I hope you guys are doing ok and if you need anything get a hold of me via email or call me 765-717-9819 and I will try and help as much as I can how ever I can. I am going to finish up some things and then crash but I just wanted to tell you all thanks for caring and sending the nice emails and things.

Monday 8-22-05

Monday 8-22-05:Well I got up all night last night by having dreams about someone and I am sick and tired of it. I dreamed all night long and kept getting up and down up and down and being upset and things. I am not going to keep doing this. I have no control of what people do and how they treat people and I dream about it all the time. I would much rather have no sleep and deal with that then deal with what I am dreaming. I can deal with the thoughts while I am awake and I can deal with not seeing someone anymore or being friends that are close but I cant control how I dream or the dreams that I have and this is really getting old. I am not a person that is here only to help out or when needed and then blown off when not. I am not a person that is ok with a phone call every week or two or a person that can be seen once every 2 weeks or so. I don't ask for a lot in return. When you start treating people like they mean nothing to you and that you can blow them off and they will be there again and again because they are friends that is not right. Maybe that is the whole reason I get burned out on close friends is because I get walked over to many times by them and don't say anything and then I don't want anything to do with them any more. Well Stacey and Kim and Sharon I will no let that happen with us. I am making a promise on here I will do what it takes to keep our stuff alive. I know others on the net that I talk to and we are great Carol, Jenny, DT, Jamie, Bina I know I cant name all of you but you guys are great. This is something that is haunting me for a long time with close friends and I need to deal that is right I need to deal. It is not being so busy you don't think about the problem it is being so dead on balls about the problem that you deal and go on. I am not young anymore and friendship don't come easy and I don't play the games that I used to so I need to fix what I have. I shouldn't have to worry about not telling someone something because I don't want to hurt a friendship I should be able to talk normal with them and they help me though it not yell or get short or anything. I know I have a problem with worrying and being afraid. I have those problem because I have had friends and more then friends that walk on me and lie to me and use me and lie to everyone else about us and then leave. If you as a friend cant deal with that with me like you ask me to deal with things for you then you need to DEAL and give me the help I need to make sure I am ok with us. If not then you need to be like the other and LEAVE. So I guess this goes out to everyone that wants to be friends possibly in person.. And if this offends anyone, then remember this.. This is a thought board not a good time only entry.. This is my thoughts that I am trying to deal with and I am trying to write down and I am trying to DEAL with and I am sorry if my inner thoughts hurt you I really am. But I am shaking like a leaf as I write then because I don't want to step on toes or hurt someone and I am worried about someone that I cant even call to see if they are ok because I don't want to interrupt their life or their time with whomever they are with. Now what kind of friendship is that. Someone knows that I have been upset for a while and do they want to talk or come over or meet up. NO not till it is more convenient for them or what ever they have planed. And to cancel some thing that is already in the works and already on the docket with a friend for something that is with someone else or new is not being a friend to that person. It is being a convent friend. I am tired of those. I don't know if this helps me or not to be able to write this stuff down but it makes me feel better now and now I will start worrying about someone reading it and using it against me or taking offence. I guess the true friends will take it and hold it and know more about me and help me through stuff better. (right). Well I guess I see some light coming out upside so I need to get to work I guess. Thanks (thoughts) for letting me have another crappy night of sleep. Went to work and worked on server things nothing seemed to go well. Then I started feeling really bad and I went to the doc's and I have a severe sinus infection and severe head cold. I was put on 2 more pills 2x a day. Came back to work and finished up the one server. Now I just have 2 more to do this week. I am home now, just finished cooking and eating my dinner (Steak, potatoes, bread, pudding) and now I am hanging out for the night. I am not feeling well at all but hey that is ok.. I hope everyone is doing ok today and has a great night. Well I came home and hung out here and ate and just feel like crap. It is not getting better but that is ok it will. I also talked to Stacey online and waited for Kim in AUS but didn't make it I just had to go to bed. I also want to thank everyone for the nice letters and thoughts. I talked to someone online and it didn't go very well. I just think she is too busy to know how much I feel and hurt and that it is easier to not care then to care and try to fix. I hope that isn't it but. I cant do anymore then what I have tried to do and have done. I need to get something back for it to be even or close or even work. Well Kim just logged on so I am going to talk to her before I go to bed. Night all.. it is now 2:00am
Tuesday 8-23-05:Well this is the 4th and final time I am getting up. I have been up and down again all night. I went to bed around 2:00am and got up about 2:30 and then 3:15 and then 4:10 and now it is 6:10. I laid in bed till now awake from 5:00am just trying not to go back to sleep. I don't understand how you can have so many of the SAME dreams about someone over and over and not be able to stop them. I even thought if I tell my dream it might help not to have it so I told Stacey and that didn't work lol. Trust me I wish there was a pill that you can take to make you not dream sometime. I got up and now I am updating this. I hope everyone has a great day. I am worried about mine. I mean I feel good about getting most of the stuff off my chest. But I worry that I lost that friendship. I want to thank Carol again I got another card in the mail yesterday and it was a great card.... Thanks, Well I am going to leave now and head to work I have a long day ahead of me I think. I went to work today and had a bad day things just didn't seem to go good on the Server Side. I then went to lunch around 1:00 and came back and finished out the afternoon. I just felt so bad I left around 4:30 and came home and took my pills and just went to bed. I didn't dream at all (YEAH) lol I then got up around 10:30 or so and talked to Stacey and Carol and Kim for a few and some others and then I took a shower that felt great and got me something to eat. Now I am updating the blog and checking things on the net. I am so sorry to all of you that I haven't been on much or been to talkative in emails or stuff. I just have a lot going on at work and just not feeling well. But I did want to say I was sorry for that. Tomorrow I have an appointment at the Shrinks lol to talk about stuff and just try to balance stuff out. So I am a little nervous about that. I also have a long day ahead of me working with the Citrix Server. I also feel pretty good that some day I might have a friendship back with someone but until them as long as we just know it is ok to be different then it will be ok. I hope you guys are doing ok and if you need anything get a hold of me via email or call me 765-717-9819 and I will try and help as much as I can how ever I can. I am going to finish up some things and then crash but I just wanted to tell you all thanks for caring and sending the nice emails and things.
Wednesday 8-24-05:I am now at work. I got up this morning no dreams at all last night and got ready and went to my the cemetery to visit my dads grave and then I left there and went and had breakfast and then came to work. I wanted to say hello and good morning to everyone and I hope you have a great day. Some news is going to be given in our office in a few hours and I am getting ready for that. I will talk to you all soon. I went to my new Doc and she is really nice. I think it will work out nice. I left there feeling pretty good about it and then I came back to work and then went to lunch. I finished lunch and came back to work and been working on the Server all day. Today's news at work was that the CEO is leaving and that is going to suck because he was the best. He wanted Technology to always be ahead of the game and he was just a great guy to know. Now I am back working again on the server and wanted to just say a fast hi to everyone. OK I am home now and not feeling well. I worked till about 8:00 or so I think not even for sure and then came home. I am now updating my blog and my website. I have a new feature that is going to be on the menu bar. It is going to be Kim's Blog. She is going to start a blog on my site and I will host it for her. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy talking to her. I talked to Stacey tonight and she is doing good. She got her nails and toes down and got hit on by the guy that did them. I am still very sick but it will pass. I hope you all are doing ok. I think I am going to dinner tomorrow night with Statia she asked me today to go tomorrow night and also asked me to go to lunch but I couldn't go today so I think we will go tomorrow. I am not planning anything because I seem to get hurt when I plan so if we go we go. I am trying hard not to ask to much out of anyone so they might be ok with me. I still haven't heard from someone but I know down deep she is ok. And that is what matters. Well I am going to get so I hope you all are ok..
Thursday 8-25-05:Well I went to bed around 1:00 I think maybe a little earlier and seem to have slept all night long with no dreams. It is now 7:15am and I am on my way to the office. Today I am rebuilding the Finance Server and putting on Server 2003. I shouldn't have to big of a deal with that. I want to thank everyone for saying how nice Kim's blog is. I know she will love that. I am feeling as of right now a little better on a scale of 1 - 10 (10) being great I am at about 5. Well I want to thank all of you again for the calls and thoughts and cards. I even got a call this morning from a family in Germany hoping I feel better and get back on the music again and things. I thought that was GREAT. Well talk to you soon. Well it is now 9:30 at night. I finished up my work for today around 6:00 or so and then came home. I got a call from Statia and we met up for dinner and had a great time talking and just chilling out. We then came back to my house and hung out and relaxed and talked. She loved my sheets on my bed so I gave her a set and then we hung out some more and talked. She then left and called me 2x on the way home to say hi and talk. I also talked to Kim and Stacey and Carol and just had a great evening thanks. Kim just updated her blog and so many people have wrote to me and her saying they love it. I am now talking with Kim and Stacey and just hanging out. I feel a lot better this evening. Still about a 6 or 7 but getting better. Talk to you all soon. Well I got a call finally from someone I have been waiting to talk to tonight late and we talked for a few min about 15 min or so. And it really felt different. It felt like I was talking to someone I didn't know anymore in a way. I don't know what the deal was but wow. I don't know if it was because she has been soo busy or if it was me or what but just didn't feel right. I didn't know what to say I didn't know what to ask or anything. I don't know :( oh well I guess. I am going to go to bed. it is now 1:00 am and I was just thinking about that. anyway Night all..
Friday 8-26-05:Well I got up today and went into the office. I worked all day and then went to lunch with Ruth and Stan at Johnny Carinos. We then came back to work and worked till around 5:30 or so. I also did some work at home. I then just hung out at the house and went to bed early. I hope you are all doing ok. I am still not feeling well.
Saturday 8-27-05:Well I got up today and talked with Kim on the computer after my walk and shower. I then talked with Kim some more and she has really helped me out with a lot of stuff going on. Thank you Kim so much for everything you have done and still do and will do. I then talked with her and Stacey on the computer and then I left to go to work and meet up with Stacey. We went and picked up Christie (yes you read that right) Stacey and I invited her to go to lunch and a movie and she wanted to go. We then went to the Mexican place for lunch in Anderson and it wasn't very good at all even Stacey thought it wasn't. We then went to the movies and watch a movie called Undiscovered I think. During the Movie I leaned over to Christie and told her I was happy for her that she found someone new. And it was like a Huge weight lifted off my shoulders I don't know what it was but after that it just seemed like things were different for the better. I put a lot of pressure on her for the last few months to spend time with me and see me and now it is just like if I see her I see her if I don't I don't. If that makes any since to you at all. She has made a decision to be busy and be herself and I made a decision to be the way I am. I can't hold her to something that I couldn't do. If she call's me she does if she doesn't then I know she is missing out on a great friend that might last longer then anything else in the world but it is up to her now lol I am GREEEAT. We then left the movie's and Christie wanted to go home so we took her home and me and Stacey went shopping and then back to her house where I worked on her computer and then we came back to my house and I fixed dinner for us and she talked to Kim online and talked with my mother and then we watched the Colt's loose. She left and I basically went to bed. I had a long day and was a good day for the most part. I hope everyone is doing ok.
Sunday 8-28-05:Well I got up this morning after a great night of sleep. I feel GREAT today..... I mowed the yard already and now I am hanging out working on updating my blog. I think I might have a couple of dates this week but I don't know if that is what I want really. I just want to have fun with people and chill and relax and enjoy time not feel like its a thing ya know. I am going to take a road trip later on today I think and I also need to get to my brothers to work on a new network for him that I am putting into his house and garage. I am going to take most of this next week off work but I will be there tomorrow because of being on the new network for the first day. Stacey is going to start a blog also so that you all can learn about her and read about her and grow to have a great friendship with her like I have. So I am trying new things on my site so I hope you all like. I went and washed the car today and drove around and went shopping and I took myself out to eat at the Mexican Place and relaxed and just enjoyed chill'n and I came home. I did another show tonight and it was nice I then left and went for a fast drive and then came back home and worked on my server. I also helped with Wavgirls site (on my links page) and got her live audio working for her. I am such a sweet guy lol I know I know. I am heading to bed. I missed talking to Kim before I crashed but I am sorry I didn't make it back sooner. Sorry also to Stacey I didn't get to talk to her either. I know I suck.
Monday 8-29-05:Well I got up today after a nice sleep. I went to work and the morning flew by and I went to lunch with Stan and we went to the Mexican place here in town. I then came back to work and he left, and I started in again working on things. The afternoon flew by and by then it was 4:00 and everyone kept looking at me like what are you still doing at work so I left lol. I am now on Vacation till next Tuesday so if you need anything or want something let me know and I can help you out if I cant. I then came home and talk to some people and then went and watched my brother bowl at the alley for a few and then came back home. I then talked some more and ended up doing a show. I will be doing a lot of them this week since I am off. Well that is about all. Had another great day. I might end up in Anderson tomorrow because I need to take some head phones back that I bought with Stacey. I also need to take the new ones that I just got at Best Buy back and get something that isn't so heavy omg these kill me. lol
Tuesday 8-30-05:Well I got up today and it just didn't go well all day. I went to Anderson shopping and then I took myself to Crackle Barrel and then ate and then I sat in the car and watched a movie. I just didn't have a good day all day and took it out on the wrong people. I then came home and worked around the house and then went to bed.
Wednesday 8-31-05:Well I got up today in a better mood. Talked to Kim a little and she is sick (sorry Kim. Anyway I had my weekly Shrink appt. and that went great. I then left there and drove to Anderson Indiana to take Statia to lunch and we had a really great lunch. WOW you guys should of seen her shoes omg. I loved them. High heels (4-5 in) with Ankle Straps lol wow she is getting to be a very nice friend and she calls me and everything go figure.. Then I talked to Karla and Stacey and then I went to work in Yorktown even though I am off and on VACATION but ya know. I then came back home where I am now working on my website. Well I had some bad news tonight about a buddy of mine down south. He lives around New Orleans and I guess he didn't make it. The family let me know tonight. I called up and made a donation to Red Cross in his name and I just feel bad about it. I am running the news channel on my TV Cam and you can also go there and listen to live audio if you don't want to see the cam. I guess you never know what might happen and should always try your best. I am going to try to be a better person to people. I did a show tonight and it was really good and then I talked to a Chris on the phone and also Jamie (her foot is doing better) and I also talk to a new person in Indy and we talked and talked and talked. I hope everyone is doing ok and if you need anything please let me know. My friend Kim is on but I think she went to pick her daughter up at school. I hate the time difference lol. I got another call from a Ali again and we talked till about 2:30 or so on the phone. I then rolled over and went to bed. Thanks for talking..
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Sunday 8-21-05

Sunday 8-21-05:I woke up this morning and just laid in bed and then at 9:30 I got up and called a new friend that lives in Denver and we talked on the phone till 2:00 pm in the afternoon she is so nice and so much like me. The first thing we talked about was the fact that she said I have a few friends and a lot of acquaintances I thought wow that is just like me. We then talked about everything and see is so cool. And then I got up and cooked me some lunch and now I am working on my website. I hope everything is going ok. I got a call from a lady at Make-A-Wish and I am working on a new project for a child in Newcastle. I hope everything will be great with this one. I am also getting ready to either go for a drive, see a movie, or just chill lol. Well I didn't have a good night and I am sick of this crap. I am sick and tired of putting myself out there and then just getting hurt or walked over. PLAIN and SIMPLE...

Sat. 8-20-05

Saturday 8-20-05:I got up around 8:30am and hung out around the house. Did some laundry and other things. Then I got ready and took off on a drive. I drove to Stacey's house and we went to Anderson and ate lunch at the Mexican place and then we went to see a movie. We say Red Eye or something like that. It was pretty good. I then came back home and washed my car on the way and also picked up a book for PowerPoint in Anderson mall and some things from Bath and Bodyworks and then I came home. I am now working on computers and servers and my site. I went to the Grocery and spent a quick 175.00 and then came back and mowed the yard. I am now going to take a shower and relax maybe cook something on the grill (cook out not barbecue) for Kim in AUS lol. And then I am going to work on website and chill. My friend Sharon is still sick so everyone think of her, I hope she is better soon. I went out for a drive in my red car and washed it and then drove it around for a few and stopped by work and I then stopped by my brothers house and visited with them for a few and my niece loves her laptop and then I came home and took a shower and now I am working on my computer and going to work on work pretty soon. I just got into it with Kim on the computer and I don't know how this is going to end up but.... I don't know why I guess I just get frustrated with everything going on here and since she is not here we get into it easily so for that I am sorry. Well I couldn't sleep again tonight so I finally got to bed at 5:00am. I hope everyone is ok.

Friday 8-19-05

Friday 8-19-05:Well I just got up.. I finally got to sleep at 5:30am and it is now 6:45am and I am up and ready and about to leave to fun some errands for some stuff. I hope everyone is ok today. If you all need anything that I can help with let me know ok. I went to work and then back out to try and find some more books and couldn't do it. I then went back to work and started in on the network. We then took a lunch break and went to Pizza King and just talked *Stan and I. We then went back to worked and worked till about 8:30 at night. Stacey brought her new car and dinner to us at the office around 8:00 or so. I then stopped by and gave my niece her present. I got her an older laptop and redid it and put some programs on there for her. You can see her pictures on my brothers Jeff's page. I hope she will like it. I then came home and talked to Kim on the internet and then just crashed.

Thurs 8-18-05

Thursday 8-18-05:Well I got up today and went into work and met with the other tech that is helping me in the install. We worked most of the morning on stuff and then went to Taco Bell for lunch. I then came back and had a small headache. I then got word from Statia that we weren't going to dinner again. So I guess nothing to get ALL EXCITED about again. I then left work around 4:30 or so and came home. I ate real fast and come in to check my main and got some really nice pictures from Carol of her area where she lives and I then decided to just go to bed. I got up around 9:30 after another sleep with dreams. I talked to Stacey about them and just couldn't keep myself together so I took off and went for a long drive. It is now 2:00 am and I just got home. I talked to Kim from AUS for a few and still got super upset again so I just logged off and shut down the cams and I guess I am going to go to bed. I just have so much stuff going on and I just have a hard time talking about it and then when I do I just loose it. It is going to be a long weekend I can already feel it. I am not going to plan anything that way if something happens then great and it if doesn't then I am not let down. If I made it sound like a date last night in my blog about going to dinner with Statia it wasn't meant to be. She is a co-worker that we sometimes hang a little and talk. No interest in anything more at all trust me. Well it is now 3:30 am and I still cant get to sleep. I think I might take myself to go see a movie this weekend and I don't know lol. I am working on a gift for my niece Tabatha that I should have done soon so I cant wait to give that to her. My headache is finally gone lol now that is it 4:00 am lol. So I am going to try and go back to bed if not I'll get up and just go into work early.

Tues. 8-16-05

Tuesday 8-16-05:Well I work up today again on my day off to a phone call again from work. Then I fixed that problem and got up and talked on the computer for a few and then went to have lunch. I met Statia and Stacey and Christie and then we went to eat and it was very funny feeling to be there. It felt very awkward but it was ok. I then came back and got my hair cut and washed the car. I then came home and did laundry and then went back to Anderson to meet them again for dinner and a movie. We ate fast and went to the movie. WOW it was a fast evening lol. Next time we will take longer for dinner or something. So we can all talk and not be on the go go go. We then got finished at the movie and I told them all bye and left. I talked with Statia on the way home on the cell phone and then came home and got the best surprise (Kim and Krystal and Mitchell) dressed up in the shirts I sent them and going through the box of stuff I sent. It was so nice seeing them happy and playing and having a ball. They are sooo awesome. I then talked with Kim and we cried together and laughed together and cried together and then they logged off. I am now working on website and getting ready to crash. I am BEAT.. physically and mentally. For some reason tonight felt like the last time we would go out. It was very fast and rushed and just felt like it was time to end it all ya know. I hope you all like the website and like the new additions. I also added pictures of Kim and family on my friends page.

Monday 8-15-05

Monday 8-15-05:I got up today in another great mood. I have had the best mood this whole weekend and today is just another great day. I went into work around 8:30 and left around 4:00. I had lunch with Tina and then I came home from work and hung out and got ready to go to work out and got a surprising phone call from Christie asking me to go to dinner. I headed straight there and picked her up and then we went to eat. Dinner was at Pizza King and then we started talking. I then got some news from her and it was a little hard for a few but I am ok now with it and I hope her the VERY BEST with it. I know that I have a problem with my feelings and my thoughts and caring sometimes to much for things but that is something that I need to work on. I then took her home and dropped her off and just went for a drive. I had to pull over a few times but I got home and did good. I then talked with Kim from Aus for a long time on cam and we showed each other different money and things to see what everything looks like and I had a great talk with her. Thanks Kim. I am off tomorrow and just going to relax and hang out and just enjoy life. I know that I need to work on things and I am doing that. It was just a hard fast reality check and wow it was fast lol. Christie is a great girl and will do great things. I am just lucky to have her as one of my friends. Thanks Christie for everything :).....

Sun. 8-14-05

Sunday 8-14-05:Well today I work up around 1:00 pm or so. I know I slept in finally. First day of all my Vacation days that I was able to go figure. I got up and cleaned up the office a little and worked on the servers. I then cooked me a really good lunch and did the yard and hedge. I then started working on my website more and updated the car page so it might be a little nicer looking. I am now getting ready to crash sometime soon. This week is going to be a really long week at work because of getting ready to do a Huge network update.

Sat. 8-13-05

Saturday 8-13-05:Well I got up this morning by a great phone call from Christie thanking me for the flowers and we talked for a few minutes. I then got up and my brother Tim and his wife Cince and Casey my nephew and his girlfriend Michelle came up and spent the day with us and we got pizza and hung out and talked all day. I then started working on my website. I updated my pictures page (Friends) with their own pages. I hope you all like it. We also got company from my Cousin's and then I came back in and I am now working on website again. I hope you guys like all the changes. I am thinking about moving some cams around so if you have any ideal please let me know.

Friday 8-12-05

Friday 8-12-05:Well I worked all night because of the storm and then I Went to bed a little before 5am. I then got called this morning at 8:40 from work again. I have been into work and doing other things for work. I need to go into work again and do some more things. I then came home and talked to Christie and kind of got into it but it is ok. I now ordered flowers for her to be delivered tomorrow while she is at home to say I was sorry for the argument and to just say have a great weekend. Stacey came over tonight and a girl got lost from indy to here and came and asked for help so I helped her find where she was going and helped jumped her car and gave her 20.00 in case she needed it. Me and Stacey went to the Mexican place to get some food and came back home and watched more TV. She and I also got to talk to Kim from AUS for about 2 hours on the phone so that was great. I am now going to go to bed.
next week off work but I will be there tomorrow because of being on the new network for the first day. Stacey is going to start a blog also so that you all can learn about her and read about her and grow to have a great friendship with her like I have. So I am trying new things on my site so I hope you all like. I went and washed the car today and drove around and went shopping and I took myself out to eat at the Mexican Place and relaxed and just enjoyed chill'n and I came home. I did another show tonight and it was nice I then left and went for a fast drive and then came back home and worked on my server. I also helped with Wavgirls site (on my links page) and got her live audio working for her. I am such a sweet guy lol I know I know. I am heading to bed. I missed talking to Kim before I crashed but I am sorry I didn't make it back sooner. Sorry also to Stacey I didn't get to talk to her either. I know I suck.

WEd. 8-10-05

Wednesday 8-10-05:Well I got up today and messed around and did a fast radio show. I then went to Anderson to meet Christie and Stacey and Statia for lunch at Crackle Barrel and then I brought Statia back to the office and then I came home. I was in a pretty good mood and it slowly went down heel. I don't know if it is me or what it is but when I plan something and look so forward to it and it doesn't happen I get really upset and down. Well It really got me thinking today and I called some people and then I couldn't handle it so I just went and worked out and finally joined the Y. I was using a pass because I didn't know if I wanted to fork out the money but hey its only money right. So I worked out and then came home and took a shower and now I am working on my website and I see a lot of people listening to my audio so I might as well knock out the bad mood and do a show. If I had 50 friends then I think I wouldn't care so much if something feel thought but I choose not to have that many because it is really hard for me to do that. So with the few friends that I do have it is sometimes really hard on them because I ask so much out of them. So I need to figure out how to let them live their lives and me just deal. I know that looking forward to stuff and it not happening is not the way to go. So be it maybe I need to just not plan anything else and if stuff happens it does. I must feel different about things then other people but I am sorry.. I think maybe I need to distance myself a little bit. It is different I think for other people because they can log on and see me and or know what I am doing 24/7 then it is not as big as deal for others to see me. PLUS people are very busy and when I cant see them because of that I get upset and angry. I know I am really messed up lol. Well I am working on it and maybe I just need to step back for a few or something. Well I shouldn't talk so much so I will just shut up. Thanks everyone for visiting my site.

Tues 8-9-05

Tuesday 8-9-05:I got up today and was in a great mood. I then went into work to get ready for a lunch presentation and I then went to Anderson and stopped by the Anderson office to say hi to the girls. I then left there and went to the presentation and was nervous and did all that with my CEO and then I stopped back by the Anderson shop and talked with them and worked on the computers. I then left there and drove back to Yorktown to drop off stuff at the office and then I drove back to Anderson to have early dinner with Christie. I met her at the Mexican place and wow I am still craving that place even after eating there today. I might go there for lunch tomorrow by myself or something lol. I then left there and drove home and started a radio show and had a blast doing it and ended it around 12:00 midnight and then I worked on my website and now I am getting ready to go to bed. lol. I also want to say that today was Stacey's birthday and I hope she had a great day. She is a wonderful person that deserves the best.

Monday 8-8-05

Monday 8-8-05:I got up today first day of VAC and had to work on the servers a little. Worked out and hung out and chilled. I then talked with Christie and Stacey and they came over for a cook out and we had a blast. Ate great and hung out. Then they did a radio show and did pretty good for the first time. Then they all left and I chilled and said screw it and went to bed.

Sunday 8-7-05

Sunday 8-7-05:All I can say is I hate Sunday's. I got up and just hung out and had a crappy day and just want happy and was sad and down and just a crap filled day. I then went to bed at 7:45 pm and said screw it.
early. I hope you are all doing ok. I am still not feeling well.

Sat. 8-6-05

Saturday 8-6-05:I woke up today and got ready and went and picked up Stacey so we could go visit Christie at her second job. We then hung out there for a few and talked and then we left and went shopping to get Stacey a new video car and headphones. We then went to her house and I fixed her computer and then we went to a rummage sale of her friends Teresa. I then took Stacey to meet her mom in Muncie at the mall. I then came home and worked around the house and hung out and just relaxed.

Friday 8-5-05

Friday 8-5-05:I really cant remember much.. I went to work and worked till around 3:40 or so. I really don't know what else. I think I mowed the yard and did the hedge and stuff. I need to really update this more often because I forget if I was a week lol.

Thurs. 8-4-05

Thursday 8-4-05:Well I slept in a little today and got to work at 8:30 am. I then worked till lunch and went with Sally, Diane, Vicki, Cheryl, Jeanni to eat. I then went back to work and finished out the day till about 4:30 or so. I then came home and hung out and then mowed yard. I then ran a fast errand. Got back and took a shower and worked on the computer for a few. I didn't really talk to anyone tonight and just kind of chilled. I don't know why but today is kind of a weird day. I am not down at all but I am not happy either lol. I am getting ready to crash. It is almost 1:00 am.

Wed. 8-3-05

Wednesday 8-3-05:Well I woke up today and went into work again and basically worked till about 11:30 and went to lunch with Jenny, Tina, Lavella, Beth, Nicole, Statia and we hung out for a few and then went back to work and I worked till almost 5:00. I then came home and worked a little on a project that I finished and then I talked with Kim in Aus for a few and got a call from Christie and Stacey wanting to get together for dinner. I went and met up with them and we went to Crackle Barrel or something like that. We talked for about 2 1/2 hours and then we all left and me and Stacey went to Target and then I came home. I did a fast internet show and then I updated my website and now I am about to go to bed. lol. Thanks again Girls for another great night.

Tues 8-2-05

Tuesday 8-2-05:I woke up today in a great mood and went to work. I then took off at lunch and went with Jenny, Lavella, Tina, Kim, Jeanni. I then came back to work and worked till close to 5 and then I left and went home. I got home and hung out for a few and felt really good so I started a Live Audio Show till about 11:30 or so. I am also having problems with a guy singing on the ZonkBoard (Shout Out Board) on the main page of my site so I had to take it down. I am working with the people at ZonkBoard to run traces on his name as soon as he enters them. We are doing this by tracking IP addresses. They are working on sending them to NTL Internet (Nottingham Site) and they are working on getting it to the Network Management Centre in Winchester Hampshire. They said they can permanently ban him, if not more. I am also working with some of my friends on the net to hack some more info. Well I am heading to bed. I am beat and in a great mood. Thanks a lot to everyone tonight it was great.

Monday 8-1-05

Monday 8-1-05:Well today started off very low even though it was my birthday I was in a down mood from last night and was just having a really hard time this morning. I am trying to work some issues that I have out. 1) Control Issues... always having to be in control of what is going on and who is around and how long they are around for. 2) Self-Esteem Issues... I think I am the most ugliest person that I know and I really worry about meeting new people and or giving them a chance to get to know me. 3) Patience Issues... I have none, I mean none at all. Well I could go on but I think those are a big part of the problems that I have with things going on. I need to relax and enjoy what is there for the time it is there and not want more then other people can give or take what I can get. I am truly sorry to people that I have had issues with lately and I know with your patience with me that I can work them out and try and be a better person. I had a ok lunch (ate at the park and watched a DVD in the car). I then came back to work and got a lot of things done. I then left work and talked to a few people on the phone and then got a call from Christie asking to come over for my birthday (which totally surprised me and in fact made me cry). I then had company (Christie and Stacey) came over and brought me presents and cake and themselves. I can't remember the last time that I had such a nice time for my birthday and it was just perfect. I wish you all could of been here to enjoy it with me. I hope and pray that I have many more memories with them. Thanks everyone for everything. I have way to many people to thank but you all know how much you mean to me. Thanks so much also to dtjam.net for the picture of me in the hat and thanks so much to this precious little girl (Krystal - Kim's (AUS) daughter) Thanks so much...