Wednesday 12-8-04

Wednesday 12-08-04: Went to work today and worked all day and then the day went down hill. I tried to blow it off by not thinking about it, but when you are alone at your house and watching TV or driving around you tend to think. And I am probably the biggest IDIOT that I know. I do things that I think are funny and will get some attention and make me feel like a big guy but I end up hurting people instead. I am sorry to a person that knew some things that probably upset her but she kept it to herself because she is a true friend & true lady. A person that anyone would be honored to have as a friend. And I know that now.... Well time for some changes and I mean changes. By the way I met someone new tonight and she pretty much blew it off I guess, who knows. Maybe my mood is because I am so tired and haven't slept but 6 hours in 5 days or maybe it is the holidays but things have to start getting better and for that to happen I need to make some changes and not sit and wait for changes to come to me. I wish I would of thought this way a long time ago maybe a lot of things would be different now. You know I don't write to much about my Father in here or talk to anyone to much about him because it upsets me so much still to even bring it up but he was probably the most honest, open, true, person that I ever knew. And if he was alive now and I could talk to him about stuff that is going on he would probably not be to proud. I really don't know how he felt since he died sudden but I do know this if I am ever half the man that he was even If I am alone then I will be happy. I miss him so much..